One big reason you get so tired.

Do you sometimes feel low energy, depleted or burn yourself out?

Do you try hard, over-do or over give? Basically, put other things & other people first often? 

I’m here to tell you….it’s NOT your fault (FYI this doesn’t mean you can’t change the pattern though).

The cause:

A message you were given in childhood (often not your parents or care givers fault either, they were most likely given the SAME message).

This week, I have had 3 lovely clients who suffer from low energy (their names & some identifying details have been changed of course). Here are their stories…

1) Caroline’s mum was always complaining about the house & how messy it was. As a little girl, Caroline decided that she could so something about that-it was simple! She would tidy and make her Mum smile again. So she did. She polished, scrubbed & hoovered expecting approval & the black cloud surrounding her mother to lift. But her depressed Mum’s mood didn’t change, she didn’t acknowledge the effort she’d made and simply started to complain to poor Caroline about something else instead.

CHILDHOOD MESSAGE: ‘No matter how hard you work, it will never be good enough or complete.’

As an adult, Caroline has regularly burnt herself out by over-doing on any project, trying to make it perfect but never feeling that sense of completion or peace when it’s finished. 

2) John is the eldest of 5 siblings & as a boy, he longed to be allowed to express himself with freedom—to play in a carefree way and say what he felt about things. But he had to be good, be quiet & look after his siblings because his parents were too overwhelmed.

CHILDHOOD MESSAGE: ‘Be a good, responsible boy. You are selfish if you listen to & express your own emotions, needs & play.’

As an adult, he finds it hard to let go—to have time away from responsibilities, to express himself authentically in his relationships & truly play. He feels like he must always get back in the box & over the years has become more & more exhausted, his soul crying out for attention!

3) Lara’s Dad was very needy of her emotionally & he ruled the house around his whims with a rod of iron. Now she understands that he was a covert narcissist but as a child she simply thought he needed her help. She became his therapist, listening to his woes and comforting him at a very young age. It was always all about him and never about her, he wasn’t really interested & would make her feel guilty if she wasn’t there for him.

CHILDHOOD MESSAGE: ‘Love is about giving to others exactly what they are asking for. You are selfish if you think about yourself too.’ 

You can guess it….as an adult, Lara suffers from very low energy as she has found it hard to have boundaries & say ‘No’ when she needs to or sometimes to even know what she wants or how to look after herself. 

Poor Caroline, John & Lara, right? Their little nervous systems, psychological family survival patterns & beliefs about themselves & life got wired in at a young age. I chose their stories because they are so clear but sometimes these patterns can be super subtle too. 

The tell is that if you go against your deep conditioning, it can make you feel guilty, anxious, fearful, selfish or just plain wrong….until something snaps & your tired body starts to wake you up. 

None of these lovely people are responding to NOW, they are responding to the past—they are over-giving & over-doing because of these deep messages they received OVER & OVER again.

Check in with your patterns….where do you over give or over-do? What message might you have been given? Were you allowed to listen to your own needs, feelings & dreams as a child?

How can you heal?

Well, luckily all 3 have truly begun their recovery through the work we are doing with their little ones, their inner 5 years olds who are scared to anger & disappoint their care givers. 

Hold your inner wounded child, tell them that they are safe now, ask them what they truly need? In doing so, you can begin to heal…

Caroline is learning how to do projects in stages with rest & reward in between each stage.

John is giving himself permission to play in a more carefree way & is soon to begin to explore deeper emotional honesty in his relationships.

Lara is learning how to have boundaries, say ‘no’ & is finding that her energy is returning. 

It is truly never too late to change these patterns. All 3 are in their 50’s and 60’s finding their way back to balance, more energy & what makes them truly happy.