Does prioritising yourself make you feel guilty?
Last weekend I spent another beautiful day next to Weir Wood reservoir in Sussex with the Sup & Soul team (SUP stands for: Stand Up Paddle Boarding in case you didn’t know) & 16 women who came for a Water & Wellness Play Day.
One of my questions to the women in my Life Coaching Play workshop is, ‘do you prioritise yourself by letting yourself play?’
As they shared about this, one big theme emerged—GUILT.
Women described how they’d seen their mums sacrifice themselves, rarely allowing themselves time to follow their joy & that some were then strict as parents too. And though they were trying to change that they often felt guilty.
A nurse explained how she wished she could finally change her career after 30 years but felt too guilty to leave.
Even those without children said they sometimes felt guilty following their creative passions & fun pursuits because we are trained to be productive & always do something for a reason (not just because it’s fun).
So I say, it’s time for the 3 P’s!
1) PERMISSION
Give yourself permission to play, nourish yourself & rest because…..
2) PRIORITISE YOURSELF
….if you don’t put your oxygen mask on first (before the kids, what culture says or because you feel guilty) you can end up burning yourself out, feeling depressed, desperate or numb or just less able to give and be present. So…
3) PLAY
Off you go! Whatever that is for you…playing a musical instrument, rambling, sewing, paddle boarding, a solo picnic in the woods or a swim in the sea.
It’s time to change!
“As women, the need for self-care can trigger feelings of guilt. We’ve been conditioned to automatically think that we are neglecting others when we take time and energy to care for ourselves. Even if we have very supportive partners and family members who actively encourage us to love and care for ourselves, it can feel dangerous in moments to actually do so. This is because there is a very strong cultural message that has powerful intergenerational momentum which states that a good woman is a self-sacrificing woman.” Bethany Webster
Maybe it’s time for a GOOD WOMAN to model self care & fulfilment to the next generation, that she need not deplete herself but fill her well and let it burst over wherever she has the chance!
And absolutely the same too for ANYONE reading this who has over given, put themselves in society’s box of expectations & let themselves get exhausted.
There were good tears & many giggles from these women who had filled themselves up in wild nature with their fellow playmates for the day and we all left on a high ready to let go of a little more of that cultural guilt and remember to PLAY!
