What’s the Number 1 Fear I Hear?
What’s the biggest fear I see in my coaching? No, it’s not the fear of public speaking or failure or killer sharks!
It’s the fear of other people’s judgement.
This week alone, in my sessions I’ve encountered:
A young woman afraid to put her holistic business on the internet because it might change the way her old school friends see her online.
An overworked mum & full time TV editor with small children afraid to take a career break because of what her generally dismissive mum might say.
A children’s author afraid to let her true creativity through because what will her peers say?
We are held back—our energy, work & message to the world diluted by what we imagine other’s might think of us, by the odd small comment or look, by the disapproval of parents & sometimes even by the ghosts of those no longer with us, haunted by their words.
It’s no wonder, I understand it entirely—we are inherently social creatures that want to belong. We also all have survival patterns from childhood, so if you didn’t do what your parents wanted, if you didn’t please them, you could die (they’d stop feeding you & cast you out). So this stuff gets wired in.
Oh my gosh, it’s been me too. I held back for years from entirely putting the whole picture of what I actually do in my work on my website, wanting to be seen as legit & not at all woo woo (with my intuitive, spiritual side that sometimes, when people want it, tunes in to energies, past lives & the odd person passed over!!). What would people think of me on Facebook? I felt so much like I didn’t belong when I was at school—the weird one, the odd ball, so I’ve really wanted to be normal.
But what happens when you don’t speak your truth, make the decisions that suit you or put your voice out there? It gets a bit OUCHY! You don’t grow the business you long to grow, you get burnt out or unfulfilled, get paid less, don’t live your potential….you get my drift.
You can only BE YOU, in YOUR truth, in what YOU need & in doing anything other also means that you do not serve yourself or other people….yep, you heard me, OTHER PEOPLE.
We hold back because of other people (& their opinions, projections of their fears, what they were taught as children, their limits & perspectives—and many of these are entirely imagined by us because we’re not mind readers & most people are too busy focusing on their own lives to really care about what we’re doing for more than a spilt second) BUT in doing so, we also do not serve other people, people that really matter to us….
All the happy, healed clients helped by the talented young woman with the holistic business.
The over worked, exhausted Mum’s children (& her future self that needs this break to feel re-energised).
All of the children & parents enchanted, entertained & inspired by the author’s zany, fun, story telling.
So, I took my own message on board (finally!) and made a new much more truthful website at the end of 2020. What happened? A) I didn’t die! (B) I had one comment from a friend who disapproved but I realised I didn’t care about that. (C) My business grew! Oh & (D) I’ve felt happier, more fulfilled & like I’m doing my soul work.
Oh yes & I get to compassionately support & guide all of these wonderful clients of mine to make the most empowered choices for them. RESULT.
“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” Brené Brown
So, go on…….OWN. IT.
